We spent Sunday together as a family and being quiet. We took a ride up to Darlington to visit Moses. Abraham insisted on taking his special balloon with Mc Queen on it for Moses. He let it go as soon as he got out of the car and called out for Moses to catch it. He is a sweet, sensitive boy. I often wonder if he feels something missing inside.
Michael and I reflected on our time with Moses, saying that it seemed we had him for longer than 1 month. There were so many different emotions crammed into that month, I think that is why it felt so long. We again recounted our blessing of being able to hold him and have that time with him before handing him back to the Father.
It always hurts my heart to think about that time and the intensity of emotions that I felt as a mom about my child. Inside I long for it to have been different. I wish that we would be able to celebrate birthdays for 2 boys, not just one. I often feel that it wasn't fair we had to give him back after trying to hard to have him.
I am able to say these things now and understand that it is okay to have those feelings and to voice them. God understands my emotions. He gave them to me -- He didn't create me to be a robot. And I think that it is okay to be mad at God for those circumstances. My emotions and feelings don't negate the fact that God is GOOD ALL THE TIME. My anger doesn't change WHO HE IS. I can be mad -- and then move on, knowing that it's okay. I cling to the truths about WHO HE IS... He is good, He is loving, He has my best interest at heart, He knows and sees it all...
And that truth is what sees me through to the next day.. and the next day... and the next day...
My favorite tree in the Darlington Cemetary. It is absolutely gorgeous in the fall.
More gorgeous trees... the camera doesn't do it justice.
This was one of the reasons we chose Darlington... it is out in the middle of no-where and it is gorgeous at any time of year, but especially fall.
We took a ride down to the Conowingo Dam after visiting Moses. Again GORGEOUS in the fall with all the colors.