Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Remembering Moses

Things Parents of Angels wish you would remember

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is
just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he doesn't
deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't
think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning him. The
truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and
emotional outbursts help me heal.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The
truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and
that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my
baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that
you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory
for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my
baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby
are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please
understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or
if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I
should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with"
in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it
may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.

9. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The
truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be
that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back
to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new
thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the
real me-maybe you'll still like me.

10. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about
my baby or being near me.
It's been nearly 1 year since we were at Hopkins with Moses. He was transferred on the 29th of November and had open heart surgery on the 30th of November. His fight was hard and long, but his little body just wasn't strong enough to recover. On December 2 we released him back to the arms of his Loving Heavenly Father. Never in all my life did I think I'd be burying a son, a 1 month old son. Every fiber in my body ached with sorrow with the loss of what was supposed to be. My heart felt like it was being torn from my chest. It was and still is the worst feeling a parent can have concerning their child. Yet in the middle of all the pain and sorrow, was this unexplainable sense of PEACE and COMFORT covering our hearts that we know for certain came only from our FATHER. There was a sense of relief that Moses would no longer be suffering and that he is now running with the angels in Heaven - running like he perhaps never would have run on earth.
There is never a day that passes that Moses isn't in our thoughts and minds. While the pain of losing him will subside, the memories of the month that we had with him will ALWAYS bring a smile to our face and joy to our hearts. Moses touched more lives in his 1 short month that mand of us touch in a lifetime. The nurses in the NICU always commented on the gentle laid back manner about him. He would sprawl out in the incubator and just "chill"! And on more than one occasion Moses "got" the nurses during diaper changes.
We may never see the fruit of his life but our sweet Moses was here for a purpose. He was given 1 month and he fulfilled that purpose that he was created for. His name was aptly given for one of the meanings of Moses that we found (which was why we chose it) was "created for special purposes". Little did we know how appropriate that would be.
We are so thankful for this little life and for the way that he touched our hearts and lives.

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